The Fast and the Curious

Well, I did it.

I went a week without sports. No sports on TV, no sports on the radio, no sports on my computer, no downloading TECMO BOWL 2000 on my cell phone (though I thought about it).

This Sports Fast wasn't easy, though. Here is the "cliff-notes" rundown of my Week Without Sports...

Monday, 7/13:

7:00 AM - Woke up to a calendar appointment on my phone that read "No Sports." Died a little inside.

9:30 AM - Typed "ESPN.co" into my Web browser, then had to stop.

11:00 AM - Almost decided tht a "4-hours Without Sports" fast was pretty impressive, too.

1:20 PM - Typed "Sportsli..." into my browser, then stopped.

11:40 PM - Wished I could turn on some ESPNradio to fall asleep. Instead listened to some guy on the AM dial discussing whether President Obama was a Russian spy. Seriously. He had a fairly compelling case, too.

Tuesday 7/14:

7:00 AM - Woke up, contemplated if life was worth living or not. Decided it most likely was.

10:34 AM - Typed "FoxSpor..." into my browser, stopped.

7:00 PM - Nearly jumped off the wagon to watch the MLB All-Star game. Instead walked around Old Town Fort Collins and had dinner with Becca. Turns out there are these things called "sunsets" most nights. I highly recommend them.

9:53 PM - My buddy Nick wanted me to come over after some "All-Star program" he was watching. He tells me to come over in about 20 minutes, as they are in the "top of the last segment of the show."

Wednesday 7/15:

7:30 AM - Wondered if kicking the soap in the shower qualified as "sports" or not.

7:35 AM - Made a freaking amazing "soap goal" just insde the left shampoo bottle. Money.

2:22 PM - Typed "Deadspi..." into my browser, stopped, cried a little.

9:49 PM - "Read" something called a "book" ??

Thursday, 7/16:

7:30 AM - Had my Dial bicycle kick denied by the Head and Shoulders bottle. Apparently it protects against dandruff and game-tying goals.

12:21 PM - Typed "Depression" into my browser, researched a little.

6:30 PM - Made a phone call to a family member and had something commonly referred to as a "conversation." Strangely informative...

9:12 PM - Received a text reading "DUDE THIS GAME IS AMAZING!!!!" from my brother. Not helping, bro.

Friday, 7/17:

11:11 AM - Typed "Addiction" into my browser. Wondered if there were "Sportsaholic Anonymous Groups" around... Me: "Hi, my name is Jeff. And I can tell you Todd Helton's On-Base Percentage in 1999." Group: "Hi, Jeff."

5:00 PM - Made an amazing Mix CD. Decided I needed to spend more time listening to music.

8:00 PM - Attended an 80's Rocky show at a "Neighborhood Nights" festival in Greeley. Wow this is lame.

8:59 PM - Screamed"DON'T STOP...BELIEVIN!!!" at the top of my lungs.

Saturday, 7/18:

8:00 AM - Woke up, wondered if going a "week" without sports necessarily included the weekend or not.

8:30 AM - Went for a "jog." It might be a silent "j," I'm not really sure...

10:28 AM - Laid at the pool and talked with Becca. Turns out time really flies when spending quality time with people.

4:00 PM - Took a tour of the Budweiser brewery in Fort Collins. Turns out time really flies when you get free samples of beer. Hey, I'm just saying.

Sunday, 7/9:

9:16 AM - Made an amazing fade-away Dixie Cup shot. Nothing but toilet water.

2:00 PM - Nearly decided to jump off the wagon a bit early to watch the Rockies' series closer with the Padres. Instead, I fell asleep. It was a miracle, I tell you. Something supernatural at work here.

5:10 PM - Got some "excercise." Decided I needed to do this more often, too.

8:00 PM - Started counting down the hours until the Fast was over at Midnight.

10:17 PM - Decided the only viable sports option on TV at midnight was a replay of the 1988 NCAA Men's Volleyball National Championship. It's amazing how excited you can be about Men's Volleyball after a week-long sports drought.

12:01 - Fell asleep during the national anthem.

Monday, 7/20

5:30 AM - Woke up early, flipped on SportsCenter.

6:00 AM - Saw Tom Watson's devastating loss at the British Open. Heartbreaking. Changed the channel.

7:30 AM - Thanked God for all the things that really mattered in life, things I often take for granted - like friends, family, sunsets and, of course, a slippery bar of soap in the shower.

It was a good week, after all.